ac's Most Wicked Week of Very Bad Days. (WWVBD)

Yep. Thaaaat's right. A whole week of very bad days just for me.

One after the other.

All. Week. Long.

No report about my very bad week would be complete without mentioning how hot it is around here. It's summertime here in Floreeda. Yes indeed! The mercury hit 98 yesterday with a heat index of over 110. How fun is that!?

For those of you who are lucky enough to live where if you have the bad judgment to step outside an air conditioned building it's not too hot to breathe, I salute you. I salute you for having the good sense to choose more wisely than I did the climate of the place you hang your hat. I often wish I had given more thought to selecting a better climate for my own hat rack.... but alas, I was young and stupid when I moved here and didn't give much thought to anything much less summertime temps and hat racks. The heat here just gave me another excuse (like I needed one!) to go to the beach. If I considered it at all, it was in thinking that it might also contribute to a deeper, darker, more beautiful tan once I got there. What a total noodle head I was! HA!

Ok. So we've established that it's HOT here. Let's get back to the wicked week that was... or the WWTW as I like to refer to it.

I won't bore you with every teensy detail of the stressed out life I live here in this oven called 'Florida'. I will hit the highlights for you and you will see what a strong person I am to bear up under such pressure. And you will, of course, sympathize. You are getting sleepy... very very sleepy....

First off, Nina got rear ended by a drunk driver who left the scene. They found him a few minutes later pulled over on the side of the road because if you hit someone from behind going 45 miles an hour, it's likely to put a hole in your radiator don'cha know! He got 5 counts against him and was taken to off to jail. Nina's ok but her poor little car, which TCHF and I bought her when she graduated high school, is not. Betsy was a good ole girl.. RIP Betsy.

Moving on to item number two of the WWTW... I got my Hurricane Insurance premium notice on Monday. The cost of the policy, which was already high and covers Hurry Canes only, had more than doubled since last year. D O U B L E D. Oh boy. We're having fun now.

WWTW item number three. I got a letter from the city telling me if I didn't clean up a property I own that was totally destroyed by Hurricane Ivan, they would clean it up for me and put a lean on said property until I paid the cost of the clean up. What they fail to understand is that I'm letting this property go back to a wilderness. You know... hap-hazard trees and grass with no rhyme or reason. What part of wilderness do they not understand? And what do they have against nature anyway? So I have to hire someone and pay a small fortune to have it cleaned up before the city does. They gave me 8 days to do it. TCHF will be home in 10. Fun. Fun. Fun.

It will take mucho denero to deal with issues one through 3 above so that sucking sound you hear is the money going out of my wallet.

WWTW issue number four. I had a Doctors appointment on Tuesday. As it turns out this Dr. was Satan. It wasn't enough that he talked down to me but he felt he had to humiliated me as well. He even refused to treat me.... not that I would have let him anyway. And to top it off, he wouldn't give me my X-ray's. It'll be a small miracle if I can keep TCHF from going over there and turning him into chopped suey. Gawd... please let that man forget about this before he gets off that boat. I really have no wish to take him cigarettes in jail... or end up on Dr. Phil, or worse, Jerry Springer. I have one thing in my favor on this.... On a good day, he can't remember anything I tell him for more than three minutes.

But wait... There's more!

However, and thankfully for you, I'm not going to tell you anything more.

Suffice it to say I'm a little stressed out.

What you can do... You should, of course, pray (or something like it), that TCHF loses all memory of that Dr. appt. You can toss in tiny a mention of the problem that sent me there in the first place and wish me a speedy return to good health. You can add a little prayer that I won't get arrested by the city for trying to create a lovely little wilderness right inside the city limits. You can also hope I don't get taken by a crook when I buy Nina another used car. You can (and please do it soon!) stick pins in a voo doo doll representing the insurance industry for price gouging me to death. And you can stay tuned to channel 5 to see if I turn up on some afternoon talk show. I'll be the one with the big burly tugboat captain who turned a Dr. into minced meat and couldn't be more proud of the fact. Good Gwad... deliver me!

And you can stay tuned, as usual, to see if I survive it all with my sweet and lovely disposition intact.

Place your bets people. Place your bets.